


"For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you..."

by Agent_Beyonce



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Emotionally Constipated Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Being an Idiot, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Hurt/Comfort, Jaskier is sad, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, Not Beta Read, Sad with a Happy Ending, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, after the mountains breakup, but it's soft and tender even if it hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:27:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22820026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent_Beyonce/pseuds/Agent_Beyonce
Summary: Witchers weren't supposed to be gentle. And Jaskier deserved someone who will be kind and good and gentle. Geralt thought he wasn't any of that.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 9
Kudos: 214





	"For keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you..."

Jaskier was full of love, he emanated with it. He was pure and kind and so good, everywhere he walked he fit in and yet he seemed to stood up from everyone because of the sheer brightness in him. He was like a sun, always bright and warm, bringing smile to people. And Jaskier loved people, adore them, always was drawn to them and their attention. He lived to be loved and admired. 

And that's why Geralt will never understand how Jaskier could love him, how he looked at him and decided to warm his days being here, and choose him time and time as if Geralt wasn't a cloud casting shadow on his brightness. How someone so gentle, so soft could love his sharp and hard edges? How Geralt could ever start giving this love back, how could he start to show that he wants to be kind, wants his love to be just as gentle when everything in him is the exact opposite? How Geralt can be soft if no one taught him to be?

Geralt always loved fiercely, like a force of nature, with everything he has. And destructively, he ruined people he loved because he didn’t know better, never bothered to know better. Until Jaskier. For Jaskier he wanted to learn, he wanted to be soft for him. But he knew he wasn’t built to be gentle, he was meant to kill and destroy not adore and love. That's why he always kept him away, always pushed him and didn’t allow himself to be gentle. Because Jaskier was one thing he didn’t want to ruin and maybe if he won’t let him in he won’t destroy him. But he was wrong, because Jaskier kept coming back and he kept choosing him and he was still kind and full of love and he looked at the witcher with such adoration that Geralt didn’t know what to do with. And so they travelled together for a decade and the witcher unsuccessfully tried to not let Jaskier in. But Jaskier kept trying and it seemed that he squeezed himself into holes in his walls and was tearing down the walls from the inside. He grew in Geralt’s heart like some pretty flower and refused to go away. And maybe Geralt let him stayed because he was selfish and he wanted him to stay but still he didn’t let himself to let him in completely. He didn't want to give himself a chance to ruin him.

Then the djinn happened and Geralt turned himself into Yennefer’s hands, knowing that her love is as sharp as his, knowing that she will ruin him to. She was everything Jaskier wasn’t and it was enough to convince himself that this is what he wants. And it is not to say he didn’t love her, but she was too similar for it to ever work out. He knew that, maybe not consciously but he picked her for that exact reason, because she was someone who didn’t make his feelings confusing. He wanted her and she wanted him and that was it. Until the dragon hunt that is. 

The dragon hunt was when Geralt did what he tried to prevent to do for all these years. He ruined Jaskier, he cut him deep with his words and he didn’t have an excuse for it. Yet some part of him was relieved when the bard went away, it meant that he couldn't ruin him further. So he let him go even if everything in him screamed to run after him, not after a beautiful sorceress but him, his bard, the only person that choosed to be by his side and now he has cast him away. After that the days without Jaskier seemed… long, there were no mishaps and noone was babbling about some nonsense, noone was trying to make him laugh, noone to banter with. Geralt was alone, and everything was quiet and boring and painful. It was what he deserved, he thought bitterly. And it was the right thing to not seek out the bard, Jaskier was better without him. 

And yet when Geralt walked into the Inn and saw Jaskier there in his expensive black clothes playing for the crowd and being as beautiful as ever he couldn’t bring himself to walk away. He wanted to be selfish, he wanted to take the bard out of here and grovell for his forgiveness. Instead he just stood there hoping equally for the bard to notice him and for him to never see him. But of course Jaskier noticed him, he didn’t stop playing he was a professional after all, yet he’s eyes were now focused on the witcher and there was something like anger and hurt and hope in them and Geralt wanted the earth to swallow him whole. The bard ended his song and started storming his way with an expression that said he was ready to commit a murder. Geralt was never afraid in his life but right now he was terrified of the conversation that was ahead of him.

“Geralt” the word was said as if it had somehow hurt Jaskier to say it. “If you except of me to leave you can fuck off, I was here first and you can go enjoy your blessed life somewhere else.” His words were sharp almost as much as the one said on a mountains by the mutant and yet his expression was resigned, hurt, careful. 

“Jaskier…” the tone was pleading, Geralt wanted to beg the man to listen. He wanted to took away all that unpleasant emotion form his face that he put there himself, the part of him that was selfish won over, he couldn’t let go of the bard the second time, not while he was so close. “Can we please talk? Please…”

“Can we talk? CAN WE TALK?” Jaskier let out somehow pained laugh “Why? So you can yell at me more?!” 

The bard posture was guarded as if Geralt really was here to yell at him, his scent was bitter, nothing of the pleasant scent of something that Geralt could only describe as home, only hurt and anger. It was something that he deserved yet it still cut him deep and his heart clunch painfully.

“So I can apologise.” 

“Oh” That took the man by surprise, as if he didn’t think Geralt was capable of apologising, or maybe he was thinking that Geralt didn't care enough to apologise, that thought only made the ache in his chest more painful. “I… okay. I have a room upstairs.” He’s voice was weak, quiet, nothing like Jaskier usually is. 

The walk to the room was quiet, both of their hearts were beating quicker than they should and the air still smelled like hurt and anger but now also was laced with the scent of longing and hope and witcher tried not to get too happy about it. When they walked into the room, there still was only quiet, Geralt knew he should talk now but there were no words for him he could say that would be enough. He was never good with words anyway. But Jaskier was nervous and was fidgeting and soon he started to be angry again.

“So what? Now we’re going to just stand here? You’re brought me here in disguise of apologizing only to torture me with more silence? I can't read you thoughts Geralt! And I can’t stand the silence! I don’t deserve this silence! You hurt me Geralt!” The bigger man made a pained sound and looked like he was finally going to say something but Jaskier didn’t let him. “No, It’s time you listen! I followed you for twenty two years! Twenty two Geralt! It’s most of my life! And all I got in return was only heartbreak! And don’t get me wrong I knew I was setting myself for one when I saw you but I always thought that it’s gonna be a gentle one and yet you left me weak... and wanting and hurt. “ He’s voice broke on the word ‘weak’ he’s eyes full of tears that were streaming down his cheeks. “ You’ve decided to throw away everything I ever meant for that Witch! You’ve decided to throw me away and now you dare to come back and just stood here and say nothing?!”

“Jaskier…” He reached for him but the bard only stumbled away as if his touch burned. Jaskier who gave his touches and affection so freely, never afraid of the witcher before was now moving away and it hurt like hell.

“Don’t. Just… say what you got to say and go… Don’t break my heart more Geralt, I’m begging you.” He said in a resigned tone, in that moment he really looked his age.

“I’m sorry Jaskier. I know that I don’t deserve your forgiveness but you should know that I didn’t mean what I said. And I never wanted to break your heart. Ruining you was exactly the one thing that I tried to avoid and I did it anyway.” The tears where still spilling out of the bard’s eyes and he looked so vulnerable, so small. 

“If you never wanted to ruin me why did you cast me away?” he asked in quiet voice like he was afraid of the answer.

“Because I don’t know how to be gentle and you deserve someone who will love you like that. You were better without me.” Apparently this was the wrong answer because the brunet started to look angry again.

“Let me tell you something witcher, you don’t get to decide what I deserve! It was my choice and I chose you! You! You, stupid, idiotic… “with every insult Jaskier poked his finger into his chest “...heroic, sacrificing bastard. I love you and you can’t change that just because I ‘deserve someone better’.” He made a quotation marks with his fingers at the last words.

“Looked at you Jaskier, I’ve ruined you. I tried so much to not do that but that the only thing I’m good at…”

“No, shut up. Shut up Geralt, i’m still mad at you as hell but don’t even say that you big oaf! You ruined me only because you don’t want to let me in! You are good enough for me, you are what I want why can’t you just see that and accept that?!” He sounded desperate for Geralt to understand. And Geralt wanted to believe him, he really did but...

“Jaskier…” The smaller man didn’t let him finish instead smashing their mounts in desperate kiss. 

Geralt literally melted under his touch, his lips were soft and the kiss was desperate yet gentle and so full of love and just so like Jaskier that Geralt wanted to cry because of it. When Jaskier pulled away the witcher chased after his lips but Jaskier only gave him a small smile and rested their foreheads together. They both closed their eyes and just breathed for a while. Geralt felt so full of love and happiness and all the warm feelings. He didn’t want to ruin the moment so he was just holding Jaskier as if he was the most precious thing ever and let Jaskier’s hands brush his hair. The whole thing seemed so unrealistic.

“I’m still mad at you but…” The quiet whisper made Geralt open his eyes to the blue ones of the bard. They were looking at him with tenderness and love. “But I love you Geralt of Rivia”

“I love you too” The Witcher whispered meaning it with every ounce of his body.

“Then stay.” The words were pleading. Geralt tighten his hold on him in response.

“Hm” Jaskier let out a little giggle at that. 

After that they got into the bed and Geralt hold him gently all night. They knew they had to talk more but for know they needed that more. They needed to let themself know that they can have this. 

And maybe Geralt wasn’t built for being gentle but maybe for Jaskier - he can learn.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is form The Crane Wives song "Never Love An Anchor" 
> 
> Oh my god guys I haven't wrote a fanfic in years I hope this one is somewhat good, I just needed to let some things out and here it is  
> I hope you like it! Please leave a comment if you did enjoyed that!  
> Love, D
> 
> Please do not copy my work to another site.


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